Vengeance
by Paperdoll
Summary: He was everything to her, and he gave her everything, but now that he's gone, can she forgive?


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Disclaimer: Buffy et al belong to Joss Whedon, nothing belongs to me.

A/N: An alternate ending to The Gift. Please bear in mind that I'm only a poor little Channel 4 viewer, so at the time of writing, haven't seen anything beyond this episode.

Spoilers: Everything up to the end of Season 5.

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Vengeance

I watched him die.

Electricity flashed across the darkened sky, as the heavens opened and all hell was let loose upon the earth. We cowered together, he and I, praying for Buffy to save us just like she always does.

But not this time.

The great and terrible hole in the fabric of the dimensions grew larger and spewed forth its monsters and demons and nameless terrors and all who saw them shivered in absolute terror. And all the while he spoke to me. I could not hear what he said over the din, but it did not matter. All that mattered was that he was there for me. He kept his head amid the insanity and held me close.

I closed my eyes, too cowardly to watch the horror unfold, and he rocked me gently, soothingly.

Then suddenly, abruptly, he flung me away, pushing me to the ground. My eyes flew open as I rolled across the concrete, in time to see a huge, dragon-like, winged demon bearing down on him. I came to rest under the overhanging edge of a mound of rubble, just as a glancing blow from the demon's foul talon smashed into his skull.

He collapsed, limp, wordless.

I scrambled to me feet, screaming his name and the demon turned its attention to me, reached out to kill me too. I was ready for the blow, but it never came. With a gut-wrenching shriek, the demon was pulled backwards, limbs flailing, sucked back into the swirling vortex in the sky, which shrank rapidly until there was nothing left.

I ran towards him, tripping over the littered debris, my breath catching painfully in my throat. He was still breathing as I knelt beside his poor, broken body, but I knew there was no hope.

"Xander, no!" I gasped, feeling hot tears begin to pour down my cheeks. "You can't leave me. I won't let you."

His eyelids flickered open, and my heart leapt. "Anya," he said hoarsely, struggling for breath. "An…I love you." His beautiful, gentle eyes, now so full of pain, locked onto mine.

"I love you too," I whispered hopelessly, knowing beyond certainty that it was the end. And he stopped breathing. Just like that, as though he'd been holding on just long enough to hear me say those words one last time.

"Xander!" I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, but his head just lolled uselessly from side to side, still seeping dark blood. "Oh god Xander, no. Xander please…"

Hands gripped me from behind and pulled me back, forced me to let go. I turned and saw Willow standing there, alone.

"Anya, he's gone," she said in a low, empty voice. "Buffy too…" And then Tara was there, holding her as my Xander would never hold me again.

Slowly, I reached out and took his hand, still warm in a cruel semblance of life, and held it to me. I lay down, curled into a foetal position there amid the ruins of my life, vicious sobs wracking my body, unable to think, unable to move.

***

They had had to carry me away from the scene, and I spent the next few days drifting in and out of consciousness in the spare bedroom at Giles' house. I remember little about that time, save for a constant pain so great that I'm not sure how I bore it. Even the funeral passed in a meaningless blur. All that stands out are the two gravestones, side by side. Buffy Ann Summers and Alexander Harris. Two more names carved in cold stone to be added to the Sunnydale death toll.

We were going to be married. "Give it to me when the world doesn't end." I had told him that night, handing the ring back to him, fully confident that I would be placing it on my finger before the morning dawned. But for me the world did end. At least, the only part of it that mattered.

I am over a thousand years old, and I thought I'd seen it all, felt it all. But the truth is that until I met him, I'd forgotten what it was to really feel anything. He showed me love and kindness and friendship. He showed me how to be human. And then he left me.

I'll never forgive him for that.

For I am not human. I am Anyanka, the vengeance demon. Had I not met him, I would never have forgotten that. I would have continued my life as it was, got my powers back, gone back to granting wishes for women scorned. I would never have known love, and so I would never have known such pain.

One day I will have my revenge for the hurt you have caused me Xander Harris. Anyanka does not concede grudges easily. You should have let me die with you, rather than leave me here to this.

One day I will make you suffer as I have.


End file.
